hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
