I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
