dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
