I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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