the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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