i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We got so high we made milksteak
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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