we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
