why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
