i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He passed out mid-signature
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
