we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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