super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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