with your own penis?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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