You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
