So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
