I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
