My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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