I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
