Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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