Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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