What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
