White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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