Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
