i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
