i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
