turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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