I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
