Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
