She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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