If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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