I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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