You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
