First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize