I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you traded sex for a burrito?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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