I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
barbara walters just said penis...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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