I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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