His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
