Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
