And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
