Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
