Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
