I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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