there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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