I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize