I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
