My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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