Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
