i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
