Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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