i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
