He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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