I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
