If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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