the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She announced her abortion via fbk
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
