Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
