I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
